a big night; may 24th, 2009.

i grabbed my sister's garmin, drove into the city i love so much, parked my car, put on another sweep of mascara, smeared on my favorite lip gloss and headed down the sidewalk towards the bar. my heart raced. "stay calm, sweetie. no big deal."

as i made my way into the bar, through the crowds of people, a guy smiled and winked at me. i barely noticed, i had too much on my mind. and soon enough, i heard that familiar voice, "hey, over here kid."

i recognized the voice instantly, connected it with that face, those eyes, that smile. i couldn't have imagined a better reunion, greeted with a big, all-encompassing hug. the kind i'd missed so much. further into the night, a few drinks down and laughs all around, he reminded me of the text he'd sent the night before. "oh kid, i heart you." it sprawled across my cell phone screen that previous night. in true fashion, he quickly made an excuse, blamed the alcohol, apologized for his ridiculous behavior and just like old times, my heart sank.

i don't know what i expected to happen. we live in different states, in different worlds. and i knew it driving home that night - we're just friends. we've always been just exactly that. friends. friends that float in and out of each other's lives. we're good at that. and maybe that's how it should stay.

so i said goodbye to him, wished him a safe ride home and decided to move on with the rest of my life -- life's too short to waste on a story that might have been.